"You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them." ~ Maya Angelou
 
It is undeniable that we’re living in a time of immense change. With upcoming elections, economic fluctuations, and profound shifts in society, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed. Today’s unpredictable environment, often beyond our individual control, can create anxiety, deeply affecting our sense of stability and even safety. In moments like these, it’s easy to get swept up in the current, losing touch with our deeper truth that lies beneath the surface.
 
Yet, remembering the Greater Truth within each of us can keep us anchored through these uneasy times. This truth is a profound understanding of who we are beyond external roles, labels, or circumstances. It is the truth of our spiritual essence, our interconnectedness, and our greater purpose that transcends what is temporary and changeable, connecting us to the wisdom and peace that endures through any external event.
 
When we live in our spiritual truth, we find the courage to face uncertainty without fear, the wisdom to navigate challenges with grace, and the compassion to support others along the way. And though the world may be in constant motion, we remain grounded through any change, like a tree in a storm, its roots deeply anchored in the earth.
 
Here are five simple practices to help you stay grounded in the Greater Truth during these times of uncertainty.
 
"Nothing can bring you peace but yourself." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
 
1. Reconnect with Your True Self
Deep within each of us, there is an essence that is not defined by roles we play, labels we carry, or past experiences. This self is the purest expression of our spirit, the timeless “I” that transcends all changes. Take time each day to connect to this “I.” You can do this through meditation if you have a practice, or by simply placing your hands on your heart, taking a few centering breaths, and asking yourself:

• “Who am I beyond my roles and beliefs?”
• “How would my true self respond to this situation?” If this question doesn’t resonate with you, you can also ask, “What would be the most helpful or empowered attitude toward what’s happening?”
• “What opportunity for growth might be hidden in this challenge for me?”

Let these answers guide your decisions.
 
2. Set Boundaries with External Noise
In today’s hyperconnected world, it’s all too easy to be inundated by the flood of news, social media, and constant updates that seem to echo our worst fears. While staying informed is essential, it’s equally important to create a healthy boundary for what we allow into our consciousness. Limiting media consumption and being intentional about it, especially during overwhelming times can help us keep our minds clear and our hearts open.
 
Consider setting specific times to check the news, rather than allowing it to be a constant background presence. By creating space from external noise, we allow ourselves to tune into our inner voice, which holds the wisdom the world around us often lacks.
 
"Within you, there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself." ~ Hermann Hesse
 
3. Cultivate Stillness and Presence
Taking even a few minutes each day to find moments of stillness can help us reconnect with the deeper space within us, untouched by any storm, creating a refuge from the turbulence of the outside world.
 
To start, sit quietly, take a few slow, deep breaths, and simply allow yourself to be. Feel each breath as it enters and leaves your body, bringing you back to the present moment. As you exhale, you can silently say, “I breathe out fear,” and as you inhale, “I breathe in peace”—or use any words that resonate with you. Soon, you’ll begin to sense a profound calm as both mind and body begin to relax. This practice gently reminds us that no matter what is happening outside, there is a place within where we can feel safe, centered, and at peace.
 
Anxiety often arises when we project fears into the future, but grounding ourselves in the present helps us return to what is real. Practice bringing your attention back to the “now” by gently asking:

• “If I don’t think about the past or future, what is true for me in this moment?”
• “What can I appreciate or be grateful for right now?”

When we are present, we see that despite temporary circumstances, something beautiful and timeless is always unfolding—life itself, in all its infinite forms.
 
4. Focus on What Truly Matters
In times of uncertainty, it’s easy to get caught up in what stresses us, as our brain is wired to focus on what’s wrong and could potentially harm us. By default, it focuses more on the negative, and we react to it, experiencing a skewed version of reality. But we are not our mind; we have a mind, and we can choose to direct our attention toward what benefits us.
 
This means reconnecting with what’s truly important to us—our health, relationships, values, creativity, personal and spiritual growth, and contributions to the world. These aspects of life keep us moving forward, providing purpose and fulfillment even when our efforts may seem fruitless, and we feel tempted to give up.
 
Reflect on what fills you with joy, meaning, and gratitude.

• What relationships bring you comfort and connection?
• What activities make you feel most alive?
• What truly inspires you to be/do/have/give more?

By centering your life around these priorities, you stay connected to a sense of purpose that no external force can shake.
 
5. Trust in a Greater Plan
For those of us with a spiritual perspective, having faith in a Divine Plan can be deeply comforting. In uncertain times, we are often challenged to let go of our need for control and trust in the greater order of things. Faith reminds us that there is purpose and wisdom in each experience, even when it is beyond our human understanding.
 
To practice this, you can imagine yourself releasing your fears and placing them on the “altar of divine love” or in the hands of a greater presence, whether that is the Universe, Spirit, Infinite Intelligence, or your inner wisdom. Let go of the need to know or control the outcome, trusting that this larger plan is always working for everyone’s highest good. Live with the knowing that even if you don’t have all the answers now, you will be guided and supported every step of the way.
 
"You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength." ~ Marcus Aurelius
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Staying Grounded in the Greater Truth
By reconnecting with the Greater Truth, we find peace and strength no matter what the world presents. Through compassion, presence, and trust in the Divine Plan, we can walk this path not only with more ease, but inspired an empowered, knowing that we are privileged to be part of a beautiful, ever-unfolding story of humanity and that we impact each other’s lives just by being ourselves.
 
We may not always have the power to change external circumstances, but we always have a choice about who we want to be within those circumstances. And it is with this power that we can create history.

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” ~ Lao Tzu
 
In ancient traditions, alchemy was regarded as the mystical science of transmuting base metals into gold. It is also a beautiful metaphor for the soul’s journey toward enlightenment. From the perspective of energy, inner alchemy is the process of transforming the raw, seemingly chaotic energies of our negative or unpleasant feelings into refined and desirable emotional states. This sacred art is a journey of self-awareness, healing, and integration, where we learn to transmute our inner states, converting dark and heavy emotions like fear, anger, or sadness into precious experiences of love, joy, and peace.
 
Emotions—sometimes deciphered as energy in motion—can be understood as vibrations of energy that arise from within, each carrying its own frequency. While there is often an impulse to avoid or numb heavy emotions like fear, shame, anger, or grief, we can realize, just as alchemists did, that these dense emotions contain the seeds of transformation inside them. Inner alchemy teaches us that every emotion, even the most difficult one, has the potential to be refined into something incredibly valuable and beautiful. This is not a denial of suffering but a recognition that emotions are not fixed states. Instead, they are fluid, dynamic energies that evolve when we meet them with the right catalysts—awareness and love.

 
The Base Energy of Raw Emotions
 
“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” ~ Pema Chödrön
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Experiencing raw emotions does not mean something is broken within us that needs immediate fixing, tempting as that thought might be. Instead, these feelings are simply messages from our unconscious, asking for our attention and ready to teach us something. In the words of the psychologist Carl Jung, “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” The energy within anger, for instance, holds a fierce passion, a desire for boundaries and justice. If unacknowledged or suppressed, anger can turn into rage or aggression. When transmuted, it becomes courage and empowerment. Similarly, sadness can lead to depression and unhealthy ways to avoid it, but when embraced, it can open our hearts to tenderness, guiding us toward greater compassion and deeper connection with ourselves and others.
 
Gabor Maté, a renowned physician specializing in trauma, reminds us that emotions are signals from the body and mind, asking us to pay attention to what needs healing. He emphasizes that suppressed emotions do not disappear—they stagnate and show up in other areas of our lives through addictions, physical or mental illness, or emotional numbness. This stagnation is similar to the alchemist’s material being trapped in an impure state. Inner alchemy invites us to honor these difficult emotions as raw material for transformation.
 

Alchemical Tools: Awareness, Acceptance, and Integration

“Awareness is the agent of change.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
 
The first step in the alchemical process is awareness—acknowledging the emotion without judgment. Just as the alchemist must recognize lead as the starting point of transformation, we must recognize our emotional states without labeling them as good or bad. This is often the most difficult step, because we are conditioned to suppress unpleasant emotions. However, when we meet our emotions with compassion and curiosity, we feel safer to be with them, which begins to loosen their grip on us.
 
The next step is acceptance—allowing the emotion to be felt fully without resistance. As the poet Rumi teaches in his famous poem The Guest House, every emotion is a visitor that has something to offer. “Welcome and entertain them all,” Rumi urges, reminding us that even the darkest emotions carry gifts when we receive them openly. Acceptance does not mean wallowing in pain; it is a conscious choice to embrace our experiences, knowing that it is all part of being human.
 
Finally, integration occurs when we begin to alchemize the energy of the emotion. This means recognizing what the emotion is teaching us and allowing its energy to shift organically. Through practices like breathwork, journaling, meditation, or creative expression, we can transform emotions from heavy and constrictive to light and expansive. Integration takes place when we stop resisting and give this energy permission to evolve, revealing its hidden wisdom that moves us toward harmony and wholeness.
 

Transmuting Lead into Gold

“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” ~ Joseph Campbell
 
The goal of inner alchemy is not to eliminate difficult emotions but to transmute them. Anger can become a source of clarity and action. Fear, when acknowledged, can morph into excitement or heightened awareness. Grief, honored fully, can deepen our capacity for love and appreciation. In this way, we become like the alchemist—turning the lead of our human experience into the gold of wisdom, love, and inner peace.
 

Living as the Alchemist of Your Life

To live as an alchemist means embracing the full spectrum of emotions, knowing that within each one lies the potential for transformation. It requires patience, presence, and trust in the process. Alchemy is not an instant change but a gradual unfolding. As we meet each moment with awareness, we practice the art of becoming whole—reclaiming every part of ourselves, including those we have been taught to reject.
 
Inner alchemy reminds us that beauty is not found in perfection but in transformation. The very emotions that once weighed us down can become the source of our greatest strength. As we refine our emotions, we refine ourselves, moving closer to our Essence or True Self. Through this process of transformation, we reclaim our power, heal our wounds, and awaken to the truth that our deepest emotions are not obstacles but opportunities for profound growth. The gold we seek is already within us, waiting to be uncovered—one emotion, one breath, one moment of awareness at a time.

​“Self-care is giving the world the best of you, instead of what’s left of you.” ~ Dodie Clark
 
If, like me, you grew up in a family or culture that celebrates self-sacrifice and putting others before you, it can be easy to confuse self-love with selfishness. Many of us, especially women, are conditioned to believe that prioritizing our own needs means we’re neglecting others, which can lead to burnout if we continue acting on that belief, and to guilt and shame if we don’t. However, self-love and selfishness are not the same thing. In fact, they come from very different places within us.
 
Selfishness is Rooted in Fear and Lack

Selfishness stems from a mindset of scarcity. It's driven by fear and the belief that there isn’t enough to go around, that if one wins, the other loses. When someone acts selfishly, they focus on their own desires at the expense of others, often ignoring the needs and feelings of those around them. This behavior is driven by survival, not love.
 
A selfish person is more likely to hoard resources, cling to attention, or manipulate situations to get what they want, even if it causes harm. Their actions stem from the belief that in order to thrive, they must compete or take from others. This attitude leads to disconnection, resentment, and a deepening sense of isolation.
 
Self-Love is Rooted in Abundance and Self-Worth

Self-love, on the other hand, comes from a place of abundance and self-worth. It’s not about focusing solely on us while ignoring others’ needs, but recognizing that we are worthy of the same love and care as anyone else. By honoring ourselves and our needs, we are better able to give from a full cup.
 
When we practice self-love, we set healthy boundaries, know when to say no, and prioritize our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. This creates a ripple effect that benefits not only us but everyone around us. By caring for ourselves, we become more present, compassionate, and capable of giving to others without feeling depleted or resentful. We also inspire others to do the same by modeling self-care. This is especially important for parents who want their children to take good care of themselves when they are on their own.
 
Are You Afraid of Being Called "Selfish?"

One of the biggest barriers to choosing self-love for many people is the fear of being labeled selfish. This fear can keep us stuck in a cycle of over-giving, people-pleasing, and neglecting our own needs. I came to realize that this was a more significant fear for me than I was willing to admit. Being a good and caring person was always such a big part of my identity that I couldn’t see how much of it was adaptive behavior and how much came from my Essence of True Self. Of course, I am a good person and want to help others, but where do I draw the line?
 
I found that trying to answer this question intellectually only leads to more confusion caused by various conflicting voices in our heads. To know the answer, we need to connect to our innate wisdom—the intelligence of our body. The truth is, we always know what’s good for us and others, and if it weren’t for all the conditioning and learned behaviors, we would never be confused.
 
It’s hard to imagine any other animal being conflicted about whether to nurture herself or tend to her young. Nature took care of it by providing us with instincts. Unfortunately, in our efforts to survive and succeed in a world out of harmony with nature, we’ve become disconnected from this innate intelligence.
 
(Continue reading for tips on how to reconnect with this intelligence and find the balance between taking care of yourself and others that feels right for you.)
 
Others' Opinions and Expectations

It’s important to realize that the people who love us want us to be healthy and happy. Those who label our self-care as selfishness are often projecting their own unmet needs and insecurities onto us and are probably benefiting from us not being “selfish.”
 
The reason they do this is that they haven’t learned how to meet their own needs and expect others to keep filling their cup (except in cases where they are children or genuinely unable to care for themselves). While we certainly want to help and give generously, it’s important to remember that sometimes, by over-giving without healthy boundaries, we may inadvertently enable unhealthy behaviors, which don’t serve them either.
 
Of course, each situation is different and requires an individual approach. Still, we must remember that endless selfless giving isn’t always the best for the recipient. In fact, by setting boundaries, we may help them grow and develop more self-awareness and self-regulation.
 
“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.” ~ Rupi Kaur
 
True Self-Love Challenges Societal Norms

True self-love challenges societal norms that often equate self-neglect with virtue. This is especially true in certain cultures.
 
In my own family, my mother was—and still is—the embodiment of self-sacrifice for those she loves. My father, whom she divorced when I was four, on the other hand, was abusive, selfish, and even narcissistic. I have no memories of him myself, but his behavior (as described by others) definitely qualifies as such. I’m grateful to my mother for making the decision to leave him and willing to endure all the hardships of being a single mother to provide a healthier environment for me and my sister to grow up in. Seeing my self-sacrificing mother who suffered a lot because of my father's selfishness and struggled to forgive him led me to believe that being selfish was the worst thing one could possibly be in the world.
 
I even remember how absolutely devastated I was when once in her anger she said that I was selfish just like him. It was so painful to hear that I almost remember myself deciding at that moment to do anything I could not to be called selfish ever again. Is it any wonder that I became a people-pleaser? Though I now understand that this adaptive behavior was necessary at the time and served me well, today, if I’m unaware of it, the same behavior can limit me and prevent me from living a more fulfilling life.
 
Because our adaptive behaviors are linked to our survival, it doesn’t feel safe to let them go. In fact, it takes courage to stand in our own worth and reclaim our right to happiness and fulfillment, knowing that this may upset the people we care about.
 
Guilt or Resentment - Which One to Choose?

As a recovering people-pleaser, I find myself facing this dilemma a lot. Recently, I heard Gabor Maté, an acclaimed trauma expert, speak on the topic of guilt and resentment, which I found quite helpful and wanted to share with you.
 
Maté explains that if we have a tendency to people-please, feeling guilty is often a sign that we are shifting away from unhealthy patterns of self-neglect. Resentment, on the other hand, builds when we consistently ignore our needs and say 'yes' to others out of obligation rather than from a place of genuine desire. Over time, this can lead to emotional exhaustion, anger, and bitterness. He encourages us to lean into that temporary guilt rather than allow long-term resentment, which is a much more toxic emotion. Resentment damages relationships, while setting healthy boundaries ultimately strengthens them. In other words, guilt is a temporary discomfort that, with the right intention, can lead to healthier, more authentic connections with others, while resentment erodes relationships and leads to isolation.

The Importance of Healthy Boundaries

This is such an important point: healthy boundaries bring us closer to people, while selfish choices lead to disconnection. It’s true that sometimes people close to us may get upset when we choose to prioritize our needs, but if they care about us, they will appreciate and support our choice after the initial upset or disappointment. We need to be willing to give them some time.
 
Another important point is that we need to be willing to do for others what we expect them to do for us. If we want their support when we choose to take care of ourselves, we must be ready to offer the same support in return. This will help build trust and mutually supportive relationships.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help you distinguish between self-love and selfishness. (This is between you and you so remember to be honest!)

1. When I set boundaries, am I doing so to protect my mental and emotional well-being, or am I avoiding responsibility?
2. Am I seeking permission from others to do what I know is good for me, or do I trust my inner wisdom?
3. When I take time for myself, do I do it to recharge and return with more energy, or do I withdraw to avoid engaging with others?
4. Can I support and celebrate others’ success without feeling threatened, or do I prioritize my own achievements of everyone else's?
5. Do I ask for support, or do I demand what I want or blame others for not meeting my needs without considering their feelings or perspectives?
6. Are my choices based on self-awareness, healing, and growth, or do I use them as an excuse to avoid facing my own unhealthy behaviors and responsibilities?
7. Do my actions help cultivate mutually beneficial relationships built on respect and care, or do they cause disconnection?
8. Am I willing to do for others what I expect them to do for me, or do I justify having double standards?
9. What will be the consequence if I keep making the same choice over and over?

Finding the Balance: Loving Yourself Without Neglecting Others
 
“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” ~ Anne Lamott
 
We need to remember that it’s not an either/or situation. Consistently choosing one over the other will eventually lead to negative consequences. Not only can we love ourselves and others simultaneously, but true love for others comes from a place of wholeness within ourselves. When we’re nourished, we can give freely without burnout or resentment.
 
Remember, you are worthy of love—not because of what you do for others, but simply because you are. Loving yourself is the foundation for building healthy relationships, and a successful and fulfilling life.
 
Practical Tips for Balancing Self-Care and Caring for Others

• Ask yourself empowering questions:
• What would I advise someone I care about in the same situation?
• What would I do if I truly loved myself?
• What would I do if I weren’t afraid of being called "selfish"?

• Take a few moments throughout the day to check in with yourself. Listen to your body - it never lies. What is your body asking of you? What's the best you can do to give yourself that? Don't focus on why you can't, ask yourself how you can.

• If you struggle to connect with your body, try practicing mindfulness or body scan meditation. Many of us learned to disconnect from our bodies at a young age to avoid overwhelming emotions, but we can change this through somatic practices. Sometimes, we may need support with this.

• Make small adjustments. While we can’t always give ourselves everything we need in the moment, small actions, like taking deeper breaths when anxious or delegating tasks when overwhelmed, can lead to significant changes over time. You deserve to feel better!

• Communicate boundaries clearly and with compassion. Ask for support instead of blaming them for not meeting your needs.

• Schedule regular self-care activities, whether it’s rest, exercise, or creative hobbies. Even a few minutes can make a difference. Taking care of yourself replenishes your energy, attention, and compassion, allowing you to give to others without feeling depleted or resentful.

• Have the courage to say "no" to requests that drain you or don’t align with your priorities. Saying "no" to what doesn’t serve you allows you to say "yes" to what truly matters. It also helps you be authentic because if you can’t say "no," your "yes" isn’t genuine.

• If you feel stuck, reach out for help. Asking for support isn’t selfish or a sign a failure—it’s an act of self-love and an opportunity for others to give. Call a trusted friend, loved one, or seek professional support.

• As often as possible choose to give your time and attention to others when you feel full and energized, not out of pressure or guilt.

• Acknowledge every time you successfully balance self-love and care for others. How were you able to do it? What made it work?

• Let go of the need for perfection. Sincerely try your best and be gentle with yourself as you learn and grow.

• Others will treat us the way they see us treat ourselves. The change starts with us, but it impacts those around us. Those ready for change will learn from our example. Therefore, by taking care of ourselves, we inspire others to take better care of themselves. 

​“Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.” ~ Dr. Susan David
 
In a world where there is constant pressure to be perfect, happy, and successful, admitting that we are "not OK" can feel like a personal failure. We live in a culture that glorifies the pursuit of happiness and encourages us to present a picture-perfect version of ourselves. Yet, the reality of life is messy, complex, and often full of challenges. So, the question I invite you to ask yourself is: Are you OK with not being OK?
 
From a young age, many of us receive the message that certain emotions—like sadness, anxiety, or anger—are undesirable. We are often encouraged to push them aside, keep our struggles to ourselves, and continue projecting an image of strength and success.
 
Social media exacerbates this issue by showcasing a filtered version of people’s lives, making it seem like everyone is thriving, achieving, and glowing with happiness. It’s easy to feel like we’re falling behind when we’re dealing with personal struggles, especially when it seems like everyone else has it all together. But the truth is, behind the scenes, everyone has their ups and downs, their difficulties, and moments when they are not OK.
 
This is especially true in the field of personal growth. In my own life—while I could easily feel compassion for others and understood the importance of having it for myself—I often struggled to admit my own negative emotions. I believed that because as a life coach I knew about these things, I had to at least be OK, if not happy, all the time. And of course, some well-meaning people would point it out to me when I was having an emotionally challenging day, saying, “You’re an expert on this, why can’t you help yourself?” I know some of you can relate! It took me many more years and much more work to allow myself not to be OK sometimes—and to be OK with it. And also, to be OK if others judged me for it. It was huge progress, though some days it still may feel like a struggle!
 
“Embrace the glorious mess that you are.” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert
 
It takes courage to admit our difficulties, to be vulnerable, to be authentic. In her groundbreaking research, Dr. Brené Brown highlighted the profound impact of embracing vulnerability on both personal and relational levels. Contrary to the belief that it is a sign of weakness, her findings show that it is a critical aspect of emotional strength and authenticity.
 
When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable by admitting that we are not OK, we make it feel safe for others to be vulnerable too, creating opportunities for deeper connections.

Brown notes that vulnerability promotes empathy, which is essential for building supportive and meaningful relationships, leading to an increased sense of community and belonging.
 
There can be also consequences to consistently repressing our true feelings. In The Myth of Normal, trauma expert Dr. Gabor Maté writes that long-term emotional suppression, is often the root of disease. When we deny our pain—whether it’s emotional, physical, or spiritual—it doesn’t disappear. Instead, it festers, contributing to chronic illness, mental health disorders, and addictions as we seek ways to numb the discomfort we learned not to feel.
 
The ability to sit with our uncomfortable feelings is incredibly powerful and essential for our well-being. But understanding why we are not OK with not being OK often requires exploring the deeper layers of our experience, particularly the impact of trauma. As Gabor Maté explains, trauma is not just about the difficult things that happened to us; it is about how those experiences shaped our nervous system, our beliefs about ourselves, and our relationship with the world. Trauma creates fragmentation within the self, leading us to suppress or dissociate from parts of ourselves to survive. Healing requires more than just acknowledging how we feel—it requires integrating the parts of ourselves that have been split off due to trauma.
 
I’ve tried many different approaches for my own healing, but I found Compassionate Inquiry to be truly life changing. This approach, developed by Dr. Maté, invites us to gently explore our emotions and pain with curiosity rather than judgment. By understanding the underlying reasons for our discomfort and reconnecting with our authentic selves, we can begin the process of deep healing.
 
Whether or not you feel ready for this kind of deep exploration, you are exactly where you need to be in your journey, and there are many things you can do for yourself right now.
 
Dr. Rick Hanson, a neuropsychologist known for his work on resilience, suggests that even small, daily acts of self-care can have cumulative benefits. He notes that by consciously focusing on positive experiences—such as moments of calm, connection, or gratitude—we can reshape our neural pathways to develop greater emotional resilience over time.
 
This can give us the inner resources to be able to sit with discomfort long enough when we are ready for the natural process of healing and integration of our wounded parts to take place.
 
One of the most profound lessons we learn about emotions is understanding that they are transient. Neuroscientific research has shown that emotions typically have a short lifespan, often lasting just 90 seconds unless we continue to feed them with ruminative thoughts. This means that even the most intense emotions will pass if we allow them to.
 
The reason we unconsciously avoid, dismiss, or numb our pain is because that’s what we had to do when we were very young and lacked the capacity to tolerate discomfort. Very few of us had an attuned parent or caregiver who could be with us in those moments to help regulate our sensitive nervous systems. Also, as children, we hadn’t yet developed the concept of time, so any experience felt as if it would last forever.
 
As adults, these insights can help us cultivate a healthier relationship with our emotional states. Rather than trying to force ourselves into constant happiness, we can learn to hold ourselves with tenderness and compassion during difficult feelings, knowing that they will pass. If it becomes overwhelming due to unprocessed emotions, we can ask for support from someone we trust, find a community, or seek professional help.
 
The reality is that pretending to be OK when we’re not, in the long term, can harm our mental and emotional well-being. It’s important to remember that being vulnerable and asking for support is not a sign of weakness, but rather an act of courage and self-love.
 
Choosing to be OK with unpleasant emotions is not about choosing to suffer; it’s about choosing not to run away from the truth. When we avoid the truth, we only create more suffering. When we are connected to and know our Essence, we can witness the younger parts of ourselves that are still hurting, waiting to be acknowledged, embraced, and loved. We realize that we cannot become whole by rejecting these parts, because they are simply adaptive behaviors we unconsciously developed in response to life. It is from this place of acceptance and love that we want to create a different reality for ourselves.
 
Being with discomfort is not just a momentary exercise; it is a beautiful doorway to healing and integration, where the fragmented pieces of our being come together, making us whole once again. We come to see that the discomfort we’ve been avoiding is not an enemy, but rather a perceived wall. On the other side of that wall lies everything we’ve been seeking, waiting for us to be ready to rediscover it. And that is the miracle of true healing.
 
“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Is self-care selfish or is it actually our responsibility to take care of our needs so we have more to give to others? We all know that "you can't pour from an empty cup!"
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​Before you read the list, take a few deep breaths and connect with your body. A simple way to do it is to place your hands on your chest and breathe into your heart. 

As you read about each practice, pay attention to how your body reacts to it in subtle ways. Ask your intuition/inner wisdom – is this a good way to take care of myself at this time. Try to differentiate whether the answer is coming from your rational mind or the body’s wisdom. What our mind resists sometimes can be exactly what we need. Mark the practices you resonate with the most. If you get new ideas, make notes for yourself. Pick a few that you are going to start with. Make sure you don’t overwhelm yourself by trying to do too many things. Remember the goal is not the practices themselves, but the outcomes of those practices. Therefore, we want to find the best way for us to achieve our desired results at this phase of our journey.  We may choose other practices in the future as our needs and desires change. 

Whatever you commit to doing, get specific, schedule it and if you find it challenging to stay consistent, find someone to keep you accountable. Some practices could be daily, some weekly, or monthly – whatever fits your lifestyle best at this time. Consistency is key to forming a habit. And, sometimes life can be unpredictable, and you may miss a day or need to adjust your schedule. This could be a great opportunity to practice self-compassion.

Periodically, take time to reflect on how these practices are contributing to your well-being. Adjust your self-care routine as needed to ensure it continues to serve you.
Don’t forget to acknowledge and celebrate the progress you make, no matter how small!
 
1. Create simple and quick morning and evening self-care routines you can be realistically consistent with.
2. Write down three things you are grateful for each day. Connect to the feeling of gratitude in the body.
3. Spend time in and reconnect with nature to relax and recharge.
4. Allow yourself to rest and do nothing “productive” for some time without feeling guilty.
5. Incorporate regular physical activity into your routine. Find a workout you can enjoy.
6. Take deep breaths to reduce stress and improve your mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
7. Spend time in silent meditation to connect with yourself.
8. Drink plenty of pure water each day to stay hydrated.
9. Take conscious breaks from digital devices to be more present and rest your senses.
10. Ensure you get enough restful sleep each night. If you struggle to sleep, consider incorporating some stress releasing or relaxation techniques into your bedtime routine.
11. Choose to eat more nutritious meals, take supplements when needed.
12. Use affirmations to rewrite your negative thinking patterns.
13. Journal about your thoughts and feelings to process and release them.
14. Engage in a creative activity you enjoy.
15. Practice self-compassion and be gentle with yourself.
16. Set reminders to ask yourself empowering questions.
17. Spend quality time with family and friends that support you.
18.  Set boundaries with some people if needed to protect your energy.
19. Daydream about who you want to become and the life you want to live.
20. Connect with a community of like-minded people or join a support group for sharing and support.
21. Clean and organize your living space. Consider letting go of something old to make room for something new.
22. Spend time tending to plants and flowers, even if it’s only a few pots in the kitchen.
23. Practice yoga to deepen your breath and reconnect with your body.
24. Consider going to a sound bath or having an energy healing session.
25. Speak to yourself as you would speak to someone you love and care about.
26. Use essential oils to change or enhance your mood.
27. Take yourself out for a nice meal or go to an event.
28. Read a book that inspires and empowers you.
29. Plan your day to include time for self-care.
30. Take a short vacation or go on a personal retreat, even if it’s just for a day.
31. Practice speaking to your Inner Child in a kind and caring way. Reassure or validate their feelings.
32. Use art as a form of therapy.
33. Explore your relationship with Universe/God/Divine through spiritual practices that resonate with you.
34. Consider getting professional support – a coach, trainer, mentor - to achieve your goals faster.
35. Dance to your favorite music for joy and exercise.
36. Watch your favorite comedy and laugh out loud.
37. Learn something you are curious about.
38. Give yourself permission to try something new and “fail.”
39. Engage in hobbies that bring you joy.
40. Play with a baby or a young child. Let your Inner Child come out and play.
41. Surround yourself with beauty – you can get creative and do it on a budget.
42. Enjoy a relaxing bath with essential oils and candles.
43. Try to eat your meals mindfully, savoring each bite.
44. Listen to podcasts or watch videos to get inspired and educated.
45. Incorporate stretching exercises into your day.
46. Spend time with pets or animals at a shelter or pet store for comfort and joy.
47. Treat yourself to a massage or a professional spa.
48. Listen to your favorite music.
49. Consider changing your hair color or style if you haven’t in a while.
50. Ask for support when needed. You deserve it!

Hello, my beautiful friends!

As we are getting close to the end of 2023, many of us are choosing to reflect on the year to celebrate what we accomplished, to take away some wisdom from what we've learned, and to let go of not-so-pleasant experiences, in order to course-correct, and set new intentions for the new year that would lead to happier and more fulfilled lives. Since we can't be truly happy or fulfilled if we are not being our authentic selves, I invite you to take a few moments to reflect on these questions: 

1. What would my authentic/true self do that I'm not doing yet or not doing enough? How can I change it in the new year? What is one thing I can do today that will demonstrate me being my true self? 

2. What is one thing that I'm doing or doing too much/too often that either prevents me or makes it more difficult to be my authentic self? How can I stop doing it, or do it less? What can I do today to start?

3. Write a list of at least 3 new habits/skills/beliefs/attitudes you can work on next year to live and thrive as your authentic self. Which one are you going to start with today? 

Remember that growing into and becoming the best/truest version of ourselves is an ongoing journey, and we'll be encountering challenges and learning a lot along the way. I invite you to embrace those challenges as opportunities for growth and always practice self-compassion. Being our true selves is not about being perfect; it's about honoring who we are and loving ourselves as we evolve. The reason we choose to grow and change is not because something is wrong with us as we are, it's because we want to become all we can be. We do it out of love and not fear. We do it because we deserve it. We do it because the people we care about deserve it. 
 
To your truest, most authentic, outrageously successful, extraordinary, and genuinely fulfilled self!

Happy New Year! 

​​   For most of us, the holiday season is a special time of the year. We may celebrate the winter holidays for their religious meaning or use them as a chance to get together with our family and friends. While this time of the year can certainly bring us a lot of joy, it can also present us with some challenges.

  As somebody who sees life itself as a spiritual journey and uses life’s difficulties as opportunities to continuously evolve, I was reflecting on the possibilities for growth in this special time.
 
  While generally holidays are associated with celebration, fun, and joy, for many of us it can be very overwhelming.  It can be a time of mental and emotional turmoil, relationship issues, and even physically demanding, especially if we are traveling.
 
  After observing people around me go into "preparation mode” as the holidays get closer and seeing their stress levels rise with all the pressures of this season, I felt inspired to share some simple strategies and quick practices we can all use to turn this time into a truly magical experience and grow both as humans and as spiritual beings in the meantime.   
 
  Typically, in personal and spiritual growth, we consider difficulties as opportunities to become more self-aware and develop new skills and emotional resilience to become better versions of ourselves. It is certainly where most of our efforts are directed. On the other hand, positive or pleasant experiences are often enjoyed without much awareness and can be taken for granted. While, of course, the good things in our lives are to be enjoyed, I encourage you to take it a step further and remember to pause and feel deep gratitude for those moments of joy by recognizing their preciousness. We can make it a conscious practice. Genuine gratitude experienced with the whole body not only feels good, but it is a powerful antidote to anxiety and depression. Gratitude also helps us balance our innate negativity bias and allows us to live more in the anticipation of positive experiences.

Tip #1: Use every opportunity to practice genuine gratitude and feel it in the body.    ​

  Now let’s talk about some of the most common challenges we might encounter in the coming few weeks. Two of the biggest issues people struggle with during this time of the year are stress and feeling overwhelmed.
 
   Stress: Activities like shopping for the right gifts, traveling, and cooking the perfect holiday meals all can increase our stress levels. Not to mention, having to spend time with family members who, of course, know how to push our buttons and remind us just how “unenlightened” we still are! So, what can we do?

   We can practice self-compassion. When we get stressed, our inner critic becomes louder, and this can be a great opportunity to turn that obnoxious voice in our head into a voice of a kind and loving friend, parent, or mentor that is always on our side. The truth is that this voice wants us to be safe, successful, and happy and it will be much more helpful if it speaks to us in a kind and encouraging way.

  Self-compassion also means setting internal and external boundaries with others and ourselves. For example, in relationships, setting internal boundaries would mean being aware and firm about our needs and what we will or will not tolerate in our relationships. External boundaries are about communicating these with other people in a kind and caring way. Setting internal boundaries may also mean not having that extra slice of cake or another glass of wine. But still, enjoy ourselves!  Remember that other people treat us the way we treat ourselves in their presence.

Tip #2: Practice self-compassion, be kind to yourselves, and set healthy internal and external boundaries.
 
  Feeling Overwhelmed: This is often a result of stress and can make us feel out of control. If you are feeling overwhelmed, here is a simple exercise you can do. Write down all the things your mind says you need to do. Put that list aside, meditate or use another practice to clear your mind and connect with your heart's wisdom or your Higher Self. Then while holding your left hand on your heart, go over the list again and pay attention to how each item on the list feels inside your body. Trust your intuition. Feel the deeper desire underneath the surface and think about why you feel the need to do each task. You might find that some of the items on the list are not nearly as important as they seemed to be at first. You may find you can remove some of them from the list entirely, delegate some, or add them to your calendar to do later. 

Tip #3: Don’t simply believe what your mind says. Connect with your heart’s wisdom and understand the real “why” behind what you do. This will help you eliminate what’s unimportant and allow you to be more present for those things that are truly meaningful.   

  Of course, you might be dealing with many other challenges at this time, which may or may not be related to the holidays. These could be struggles with health, finances, work, or relationships. While there could be many solutions to these concerns, I do suggest you practice the three tips shared above for those as well because gratitude, self-compassion, and remembering what matters will have a powerful and positive impact on every area of your life.     
 
Let's enjoy the holidays and grow in the meantime!

Whether you are celebrating a traditional Thanksgiving or adding a spiritual twist to it like me and are making it simply about being grateful, today is the day we think about gratitude more than any other day.

We typically think of gratitude as a pleasant emotion that we experience when we receive something desired, or we think of someone or something in our lives that we appreciate. 

But gratitude experienced intentionally is a powerful spiritual practice. While more and more people are becoming aware of its value and use a gratitude journal or other ways of practicing it, I'm realizing through my work with clients that in most cases their practice lacks the most crucial ingredient. The actual feeling of gratitude in the body. And without the feeling, this becomes an intellectual process. In other words, we are "thinking" gratitude rather than feeling it, and therefore missing the true transformative power of this state of being. 

Yes, it is a state of being, it transforms us mentally, emotionally, physiologically, and energetically. If practiced consistently, it can change our predominant state of being, which for most of us is a state of worry or various degrees of anxiety. The "negativity bias" or focusing on the negative and anticipating something bad and preparing for it is how we are wired as humans. But by developing our "gratitude muscle," we can shift it into a more balanced view of life and begin to expect good things to happen much more often. 

Gratitude also aligns us with the things we desire and therefore we bring them into reality much more quickly and easily. 

If you feel like you don't have much to be grateful for because of what might be happening in your life or around you, I would invite you to question that experience. Remember that our brain evolved to pay a lot more attention to the negative than the positive, about a 5 to 1 ratio. Especially when we are going through some challenges, our mind hyper-focuses on the negatives in our lives and takes the positives for granted, often not even noticing them. 

So if you haven't been practicing gratitude intentionally, or have been inconsistent with it, today could be the perfect day to start, or make it more consistent or take it even deeper. 

So how do we practice it? First, we want to learn how gratitude feels in the body. For this, we want to do a quick experiment. It's better to do it when you are not distracted. 

~ Close your eyes and bring to mind something or someone you are genuinely grateful for. You feel blessed to have this person, pet, object, experience, etc. in your life. Stay with it for a few moments and pay close attention to how it feels in your body. You can open your eyes.

~ Now for contrast, close your eyes again and imagine someone or something that upsets you (pick something moderate, not overwhelming). And pay attention to how that feels in the body. Notice how different it is from the first experience. Open your eyes. 

~ And one more time, repeat what you did the first time with a feeling of gratitude. By now it should be fairly easy for you to identify the energetic frequency of gratitude. Remember that feeling. And if you stay with it a little longer, it will change your state of being. 

How can you integrate this practice into your day and develop your gratitude muscle? We want to turn it into a habit that over time is not going to require any conscious effort. You can use your gratitude journal if you like and simply feel it with everything you write down in it. It's better to write a few things and feel deep gratitude than make a big list and do it in the head only. To practice it throughout the day, it might be helpful to set some reminders, to begin with. 

The secret is that we don't need to wait for something wonderful to happen to feel grateful. We can train that muscle by experiencing gratitude for little things like getting a green light when we are rushing to get somewhere, hearing a piece of good news, no matter how small, having a pleasant interaction with a coworker or a family member, etc. And the more we vibrate at this frequency, the more and greater reasons we will attract to feel even more grateful.

So how can you start practicing more gratitude today? 
​

   A limiting belief is created when we give an inaccurate meaning to a negative experience we had and begin to perceive life through the lens of that conclusion. Most of our negative beliefs begin forming when we are too young and unaware to understand what is happening.

    For example, if as a child we ask our parents to play with us and we repeatedly hear that they have too much work to do and have no time, we may begin to feel that we are not important enough. When someone in school we like doesn’t want to be friends with us, we may reaffirm this thought that we are not good enough for someone to want to spend time with us. And later, if we decide to ask a girl out and she says no, now we probably have developed a belief that we are not worthy or likable. And we will begin to anticipate our future experiences to be like the ones we had in the past. Expecting to be rejected, in this case. And we may even stop taking chances because rejection hurts. And, of course, no one wants to be hurt.

   Growing up, we may develop limiting beliefs about any aspect of our life. And unless these distorted perceptions are brought to light, analyzed, and transformed, they will continue to limit the choices we make, the opportunities we recognize and act on, and the results we achieve.
​
   You would probably agree now that it is really important to know what our limiting beliefs are and how we can transform them into empowering beliefs instead. But why so few people do it? Here are the 4 key reasons why.

   Reason #1: It is not easy to see our “blind spots.” Because the thinking process that is supposed to help us recognize these beliefs is distorted by the same beliefs. (This is where the support from a coach can make the difference between making a breakthrough or staying stuck.)

   Reason #2: These beliefs were originally created by our subconscious mind to protect us from being hurt or even harmed in the future. Therefore, they are closely linked to our survival mechanism. Our subconscious mind takes it very seriously. Even though we understand with our rational mind that getting rejected by a potential mate is not a threat to our life, the subconscious mind may actually perceive it that way. So, we need to recognize this fallacy. When we feel safe, we can proceed.

   Reason #3: We typically try to make changes to our perception, thinking, and behavior with our conscious mind. How else can we do it? The problem is that our conscious mind is only controlling 5% of our choices, the rest is hardwired into our subconscious mind, including our deeply held limiting beliefs. Thus we must change our subconscious mind. But how? The simple answer - through our emotions.

   Reason #4: Our subconscious mind is our body. Every thought we think is being translated biochemically into an emotion or a feeling. And just like the mind remembers the thoughts as memories, the body remembers experiences as feelings. So, if you had a bad experience (rejection, betrayal, physical pain, etc…) and the brain memorized the event, the body memorized the emotion associated with that event.

   Therefore, our emotions are the key to our transformation. To replace a limiting belief (with its associated emotion) with a new liberating and empowering belief, we need to generate a stronger emotion that is positive and uplifting. By repeatedly thinking new inspiring and empowering thoughts and feeling the corresponding feelings we can rewire our brain and energetically and biochemically change our body. It is like installing a new operating system. Over time, this new way of thinking, feeling, acting, and being will become the default, and we will become a new person. We will become someone for whom creating the life we always wanted would be natural and easy.

Here are 10 powerful questions that will help you to begin uncovering these hidden beliefs. Please take your time to answer these questions and be completely honest with yourself.
 
1 What is it that you want to have or do but something is stopping you?
2 What is it that is REALLY holding you back from doing or getting what you want?
3 This is a problem because?
4 And this means? (You may want to ask this question several times to discover all the meanings you give to this.)
5 What is it that you must believe to make this problem even exist? 
6 What is it that you believe about YOURSELF that has made this a problem?
7 What do you believe about the WORLD that has made this a problem?
8 About what time in your life did you decide that this was a problem?
9 What will overcoming this problem mean to you?
10 What will life be like when you no longer have this problem?
 
If you would like support with getting crystal clear on all the ways you limit your success and self-expression and transform these limitations into your superpowers, consider booking a free consultation call. There are no obligations with this call.

   My greatest passion is to support you in transcending your past and transforming into your True Self. I work in many disciplines, combining profound mystical wisdom with advanced findings in neuroscience and physics to help you reconnect with and live from your Greatness, fully express your Magnificence and create a deeply satisfying life of peace, joy, harmony, love, and abundance, while fulfilling your destiny. 

   I offer many powerful tools and proven methods for profound transformation and continuous evolution. I base my work on the extensive knowledge gained over almost two decades; my own experience of overcoming severe depression, anxiety, panic attacks, numerous limiting beliefs and self-defeating behaviors; and successfully helping my clients over years to transcend, transform and thrive as their True Selves.