How To Stop Sabotaging Yourself & Finally Create What You Want!

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” ~ Carl Jung

Have you ever set a goal, felt excited and committed, and still ended up sabotaging yourself without even realizing it?
 
Maybe you started strong, but after a few days or weeks, you found yourself back at square one. Or maybe you’ve made progress, but not nearly what you hoped for. And if it’s happened more than once, you might be wondering if you even have what it takes to make the change you want.
 
I want to share with you the 5 biggest reasons we sabotage ourselves—and the 5 most powerful ways to finally stop doing it and create what you truly want. I’ve been through this cycle myself, and I know how frustrating and discouraging it can be. But I also know what it’s like to break through it, overcome your limitations and create seemingly impossible—and you can too.
 
You just need to unlearn a few things and remember who you really are. When you do that, you become unstoppable.​

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1. Know What You Want and Why

One of the biggest reasons we sabotage ourselves is simply because we’re not clear enough on what we truly want—and even more importantly—why we want it. Most of us are really good at knowing what we don’t want, because that’s what we focus on all the time. But that doesn’t help the brain or body know what to do next. Telling ourselves "I don’t want this" doesn’t give our subconscious mind the clear instructions it needs. 

The brain and body are wired to repeat what’s familiar—our past patterns. That’s because the subconscious (which makes up about 95% of our mind) works from what it knows. If we don’t consciously reprogram it, it will just recycle the past.

When we install new thoughts, emotions, and behaviors consistently, we start forming new neural pathways—this is how real change happens. But it starts with clarity. If you’re not sure what you want, or you don’t feel emotionally connected to it, you’ll keep defaulting to your old patterns. And if you want your subconscious mind to help you instead of blocking you, you need to speak its language: emotion. Your conscious mind works in thoughts. But the subconscious responds to feelings.

That’s why it’s not enough to say you want more money, a better body, a relationship, or a fulfilling job. What you truly want is how those things would make you feel. 


2. Make It Happen Because You Are Worthy

Another huge reason we sabotage our progress is because deep down, we don’t feel worthy of what we want. On the surface, we might say we deserve it. But if we’re still operating from old wounds, negative self-talk, or unhealed trauma, there’s a gap between what we want and what we believe we deserve.

We were all born worthy. A baby doesn’t question whether it’s allowed to cry, eat, or be loved. It just does. But over time, through life experiences, disappointments, and unmet needs, we start to doubt our worth.

If we don’t believe we’re worthy, we’ll never fully commit to creating what we desire. We might start from a place of pain or desperation—like wanting to make money because we’re tired of being broke—but as soon as we feel better, we lose motivation. That’s because fear can only take us so far.

Real transformation comes from love. When we love ourselves enough, we no longer need pain to motivate us. We start creating from a place of expansion, not just survival. And that kind of motivation is sustainable.


3. Align Your Identity with Your Vision

Another powerful reason we sabotage ourselves is that our identity doesn’t match the life we want. We all have a self-image—an internal thermostat of what we believe we deserve. If your internal setting for money is “65 degrees,” no matter how hard you try to get to 80, you’ll keep doing things to bring yourself back to 65.

We all have an unconscious need to be consistent with who we believe we are. That belief system was formed long ago, often in childhood, and shaped by how we were treated, what we experienced, and how we interpreted those events. And because many of these beliefs were linked to survival, they are hard to change—unless we become aware of them.

To stop sabotaging ourselves, we must shift our identity. This doesn’t mean becoming someone else—it means becoming the most aligned, real version of who we already are. Start by observing people you admire. What qualities in them inspire you? Those qualities are usually a reflection of what’s already inside of you, waiting to be developed.

When you adopt a new identity that aligns with your goals—whether it’s a strong, confident leader, a loving partner, a successful creator—your actions will start matching that version of you.


4. Make Change Feel Safe

We often believe that change is hard because we’re lazy, unmotivated, or lacking discipline. But that’s not the whole story. The truth is, our brain is designed to protect us. It wants to keep us safe more than it wants to keep us happy. And it equates safety with what’s familiar—even if what’s familiar is unsatisfying or even painful.

Every time we step into the unknown, our brain perceives it as a potential threat. It triggers a stress response and pulls us back toward what feels safe, even if it’s not what we want. That’s why we fall back into old habits. That’s why we procrastinate, doubt ourselves, or lose motivation when things get uncomfortable.

To change this, we need to condition the body to feel safe in the new reality. Our body becomes chemically addicted to the emotions we’ve been used to—like guilt, anxiety, or frustration. Those emotions produce a familiar “biochemical soup,” and when we stop producing it, we feel withdrawal.

To break that pattern, we need to choose new feelings over and over again until the body and brain get used to a new set of emotions—ones aligned with the future we want. When we do this repeatedly, change becomes easier, and our brain stops resisting the unknown.


5. Rewire Your Brain with Mental Rehearsal

So how do we make the new reality feel familiar and safe? Through mental  (and emotional) rehearsal.

Mental rehearsal is not just visualizing your goals. It’s immersing yourself in the future you want to create and experiencing it as if it’s already happening. The key is to engage your emotions, your senses, and your imagination so vividly that your brain doesn’t know the difference between the imagined and the real.

The brain doesn’t distinguish between something that actually happened and something that’s vividly imagined with emotional intensity. So if you practice living your desired future—seeing it, feeling it, hearing it—your brain starts accepting it as familiar.

Do it daily. Include not just the perfect scenarios, but also the challenges. Picture how you will handle setbacks and how you will stay calm, focused, or empowered even when things don’t go as planned. That’s how you create a realistic vision your brain can trust. And the more you rehearse it, the more your mind and body align to bring it into reality.

So, are you ready to stop sabotaging yourself and finally create what you want?

Let’s quickly recap what we’ve learned in this video:

1. Get clear on what you truly desire and why it’s important to you, meaning how it will make you feel.
2. Believe that you are worthy and create the life you want because you love yourself and the people that you will impact when it happens.
3. Align your identity with the person you want to be and for whom the things you want are natural.
4. Help your brain and body feel safe as you change and create a different reality.
5. Use mental rehearsal to immerse yourself in and practice the new reality until it feels familiar and comfortable.

“Your nervous system isn’t sabotaging you—it’s protecting you. You just have to show it that the new version of you is safe.” ~ Dr. Nicole LePera

Make sure to download the FREE PDF document I created with powerful questions to help you start getting clarity on WHAT you want and WHY.